What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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