I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
