If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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