This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
