i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
