he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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