I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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