I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
