I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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