A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
