i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
