college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
