i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
