Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
