How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
