i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
then he tried to convert me to islam
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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