I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
