either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
