How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
