is your mom at the bar?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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