Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
