i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My penis needs a shock collar
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
