Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
