alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
