y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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