..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
