why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
whose ass print is on the piano?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
