soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
