thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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