I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
