If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
