if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
