I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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