Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
