..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
