it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
