This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
