Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
