put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
