i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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