UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
