just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
