I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
