from now on my penis is your penis
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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