i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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