when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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