Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
