New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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