Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
