cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
