Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
